It's difficult to get help. Well, it never was easy, but it's taking a lot more effort than I had previously expected.

We all have our times of need, when we need someone to rely on for assistance, or simply, companionship so that we don't feel like we're alone in this. But like it or not, these people you need aren't always there at times like these. In addition, its going to take a lot more out of them to willingly provide aid when they don't exactly have an obligation to do so, or when they've forgotten that they have one. Then, you've got to have some decent reason for them to help you out.

This society preaches how we should help one another, but in practice, a lot remains to be seen. We have to realise that man came to cooperate and help one another for a simple, crucial mutual benefit - survival. When there isn't anything in it for the helping party, you can't blame them for behaving like rational human beings, exhibiting an "every man for himself" attitude.

That being said, people still do provide help, but that accounts only for a small portion of course. If help arrives, we should be terribly grateful and appreciative, because it came from people who gave a damn about you when everyone else turned their backs on you.

When life is no less fragile than a thin piece of glass, why bother squandering any of it on things that aren't important?

Do what you have to do. Do what you want to do.

We, or at least most of us, don't live alone. Somewhere out there, there will be someone wondering where we are, and how we're doing. Because someone still cares about us, we can't be irresponsible for ourselves. You're not answering only to yourself. You can't surrender yourself to fate before everyone gives up on you

Being imperfect.

What's so wrong about it?

So, I was kind of hungry tonight and I decided to go for some seriously unhealthy late-night fast-food supper.

He was probably in his late sixties or early seventies. His hair was barely greyish and precariously thin. He had so many wrinkles so deep that you’d think someone folded his face a thousand times every night. 

His thin, weakly arms were folded across his chest as he hunched his fragile body inwards and huddled himself from the world. The clothes he had on him bore no sign of dirt or prolonged usage, but were nonetheless cheap-looking and paper-thin. He had nothing to shield himself from the elements, save a couple of crumpled newspapers – ones that were probably disposed by others some time ago. 

His head was leaned on the armrest of the concrete bench in what was a rather uncomfortable position that would leave any normal human with a bad case of a stiff neck the next morning. Most strikingly, his blank expression told anyone who happened to notice him that he was but a man living with nothing but basic needs. 

I don’t know why, but there must be a reason why this elderly man isn’t sleeping comfortably at his own home.

It suddenly struck me that there I was, going to get myself some luxurious supper while all around me, there are people who probably didn’t even have a half-decent dinner. I felt so guilty almost instantly. On my way back home, I took great care to lighten my footsteps so that I wouldn’t accidentally disturb anyone’s sleep.

The night sky looks precariously cloudy with a strong reddish hue to it. I hope tonight wouldn’t be a cold and rainy night, but then again, these guys may even be more used to such chilly nights than I am to my own air-conditioned room.

What could I have been.

It's easy to get lost in envy, and maybe even easier in jealousy.

Let's face it. You can't get everything in life, and for everything you do get in life, you'll have to work for it. This is but one of the few things I won't have a chance at in my life.

It came as a free-fall realisation that I didn't practice what I preached.

I was sure that particular line had been popping out all over, but it just didn't hit me that I believed in it too.

Instead, I chose to be blinded by materialism and fame.

It doesn't matter where I'm going to study at. What matters is if I will put in more effort than I'm expected to, to go to places I've never even dreamt of, to reach destinations I've never even heard of. It's now my turn to tell that to myself. 

2011. 2012.

Year after year, we look back and realise that time had just clicked by so fast, leaving us nothing but distant memories to reminiscent and regret. Anyway, we're up against yet another year of whatever life has yet to throw at us. Before we all take our last step out of this year, let's give ourselves a pat on our shoulders for everything we've endured and withstood from this whole year. I guess that's a big pat for me.

Then, it's time to do some planning for the next year.

I want to continue dancing. 

Dancing, which I'm admittedly terrifying at, is one of the things I've regretted not pursing further this year.

I want to take up self-defense.

Muay thai, specifically.

I want to continue carving out the character I've chosen for myself.

That's a must. Everyone benefits when I become a nicer person.

I want to learn driving.

I guess just about everyone in my situation would be wanting to dos o.

I want to get through my service term.

I mean, who doesn't? Not that I have a choice or anything, but I would like to finish up my job nicely and safely.

I'm going get my ear pierced.

That'll only happen after ORD.

I shall save. More.

Well, not wasting my hard-earned pay on unnecessary stuff is a start. Then there's that pay rise and bonus pay..

I'm going ahead with the online Korean lessons.

Nothing much to be said for now. I'll see how it goes.

I will take care of myself and learn to love and forgive.

Again, nothing much to be said.

Let's wish for an awesome 2012!