Wednesday, March 21, 2007
After a few days of
blues, I have
risen again(yay!). Stronger than before, approaching harder obstacles. Every set-back I encounter, is a new restart, a new wake-up call to my life. Like I say,"
You can pawn me now. But someday, I'll come back stronger to pawn you." (If you aren't a DotA player and thus, do not know the meaning of pawn, pawn is actually to severely win, aka thrash, someone)
Hurts, but it can only hurt this far. Gotta realise that at some point of time, I'll have to stand up again and walk on. Life's like running a marathon. Imagine set-backs (which really hurts!) as a pain in your legs. Some people take the pain and run on, while some people will to stop for a while to rest before continuing. But some people just give up. I'm definatly not a person who gives up. Not now at least, when I have come so far. Coming to this point, I going to reveal a certain
secret about me: (Warning - Viewer's discretion)
I'm a person who will take as much pain as I can. Sometimes, I'm successful and manage to conceal the pain, conceal the troubles that I face in a bottle, buried in my heart. I will keep on absorbing such pains until I break down (not as in crying) at some point or another. Just like there's a limit to patience in everyone, there's a limit to how much pain a person can take. When I'm reaching my limits, you can literally spot a change in personality in me. Thats when I'm really not to be trifled with. Any simple so-called "jokes" like taking my stuff can easily create sparks. And these sparks have a chance of causing a fight. Ok, maybe not exactly a fight, but definatly something that can hurt both parties permanently.
Anyone(teen) with a personality like me (or worse than me) is a potentially dangerous person. In
psychological terms, these people suffer from
initial stages of teen depression (teen depressive disorders). About 91% of them slowly recover (with or without medication), 8% turn into full-time depression patients and 1% "
destroyed" (meaning
insanity or death). These people may tend to have strange emotion-caused problems like uncontrolled anger, self-torture & numbing of pain in any ways (e.g. drug abuse, gaming addiction). And most seriously, these people (most, not all) tend to have signs or thoughts of suicide.
With reference from
http://www.teen-depression.info/,
Each year 500,000 young adults, aged 15 to 25, attempt suicide.Each year 5,000 young adults succeed. Suicide is the third leading cause of death among 15 to 25 year olds. Suicide is the sixth leading cause of death among 5 to 14 year olds. Young adult males succeed at suicide almost two times as often as any other group. Without treatment, of those who attempt suicide, 80 percent are likely to try again. Teen depression almost always leads to suicidal thoughts. Scary eh? Honestly, I have anger problems, numbing pain through gaming and lastly, thoughts(thoughts only, I didn't go anywhere dangerous) of suicide.
Behind the strong Shaun you see, hides a weaker form of him. Must be shocking for you to know now. But I guess, when troubles are voiced out, they get less fatal.
I think thats all I can write. Any further would be too personal... too dark... too hard to write.
9:47 PM
Standing up again
